Being a Mom is hard. Being a Mom to toddlers (especially several) is even harder! Throw in a child with special needs and BAM! There's a recipe for a temper tantrum of epic proportions right there in aisle 3! Occasionally it's even Mom throwing that fit but hey! We all know how that feels right!
When my first set of children were little there were 4 of them all under the age of about 6 1/2. Trips to Walmart could get hairy. I was a stay-at-home Mom so I had the freedom to be a little bit more wise about my shopping times. Yes I took all 4 with me to do grocery shopping. Yes we occasionally had a melt down, but compared to the number of trips we made I'm going to say my girls and I were fairly successful at getting our shopping done without being a burden on the other shoppers in the store.
I'm writing this entry not to chastise moms out there but to offer some options to make your shopping trips successful and even enjoyable. If you are a working Mom, this will be a little more challenging for you but you can do it! This post is not directed at the 'stop buy after work because we have no toilet paper in the house and that's all I need to get' trips - those are a necessity and even the most tired toddler can take a 3 minute trip to the TP aisle and back home again!
#1 NEVER take your child shopping when they are tired - period. No but this or that, Don't do it. I can't tell you how many toddlers I have had to steer my shopping cart around flopping in the aisle and the weary Mom looks up at me and says "He's so tired!" with a helpless smile. *** Side Note --- Not too long ago I was in Walmart and heard a child screaming. Parents yelling at each other "I don't know WHY he is acting like this!??!" Mom I can tell you why - it was freakin' MIDNIGHT and No 3 year old should be shopping IN THE COOKIE aisle at midnight - ever - period - (how else can I emphasize this?). Seems crazy right?!? But when you take Junior shopping at nap time, or after a morning of swimming in the hot sun, or at 9:30 pm when bedtime was 8:30 pm it is just as ridiculous.
#2 Do Not under any circumstances offer bribes for being good. This routine was not adapted for my family out of the wisdom of a Mom needing inducted to Sainthood - it happened out of necessity. I was a stay-at-home Mom with 4 tiny kids -- We. Were. Broke! Suave Shampoo Broke! Ramen Noodle Broke! The girls didn't get to buy something every time we had to go into the gas station or the grocery store. What they got was longer play-time outside or maybe Mom did the supper dishes and let them off the hook when they were good. I didn't have the $ to buy them anything but I did have to reward awesome behavior. I have also noticed many children drown out the loud speakers in department stores screaming for that purchase they are used to getting every time they went somewhere. Trust me it's as embarrassing for us having to watch as it is for you.
#3 This is the hard one - and the most embarrassing. But every child will test their boundaries - they want to see who is in charge. The child who is an obedient sweet angel will become the most rotten human child alive when entering a store if they discover that you will do ANYTHING to make them stop screaming! Again I understand this requires time to do such a thing, but early on ... when they test you ... Stop what you're doing. Give the cart to an employee of the store and apologize profusely, but Leave The Store. Drive all the way home if necessary. Deal with it in the parking lot if the child is receptive. But Instantly take away their trump card (your exasperation and embarrassment). Go to a private neutral place - discipline your child with whatever method you use (No I'm not opening that can of worms on this post -- just BE consistent with whatever method you Do use), and then explain to them you're going back in right now. That this process will not stop until you have secured all of your groceries and they act good at the same time. Honestly you will only have to to this once or twice per child before they realize you mean business and if they really want to get home to play they need to endure this trip.
#4 If your child has special needs of any kind and you know that this situation will set her off, there is no shame in getting a baby sitter every time you need to go. If they don't like loud noises, then they would be happier at home with a baby sitter than at the junior high basketball game where everyone is screaming and yelling packed into the smallest gym in town! Be honest about your limitations, your child's limitations, the setting you will be attending, and make arrangements. It really is okay. We all understand. We've been there.
#5 Lastly - If you've been there .... give that struggling Mom some grace when her kid is flopping like a fish in aisle 3 or if they are busting the light bulbs all over the store. We were all there once. Our kids weren't perfect - and None of us were the Perfect Mom. Don't walk up and tell her that if she spanked her kid more he wouldn't be like that. You're just being rude. All you have really exposed is the fact that you have so much agitation inside your heart that you cannot be flexible at any moment - for anyone. You are likely worse than the toddler you are complaining about!
But most of the time I've just noticed that we've sabotaged ourselves for shopping trips because we don't plan ahead - we aren't organized and leave ourselves NO choice but to have to go into Walmart after all day of swimming because we are completely out of toilet paper or milk and bread and something for supper, or some other necessity. Form a babysitting swap with a close friend! When you need to do that grocery shopping trip that will take more than an hour .... arrange a play date and then reciprocate for your friend when She needs to go.
Parenting is hard - But You'll get through it we all did. You will learn tricks along the way and what worked for Suzie Snazzy Pants will probably not work for you. Don't feel bad - She probably burned the lasagna last night anyway!
Blessings for today ya'll - we need it every day!
Heather
P.S. This adorable little is my grandson. His Mama has learned, just like her Mama - sometimes the hard way, when is the best time to shop with his little self .... and when (like this picture) would be a good time to rescue the chocolate stash he found and put him to bed for a nap! LOL precious little thing
No comments:
Post a Comment