Well I did it! Dropped another one off at college and I survived! When we dropped my oldest off I cried almost 6 hours on the way back home. Did I just love her more? Of course not. Was it because she was my first and I had never had to do such a thing? ... In part yes. But the more children I let go of the more I learn that I really don't "owe" them all of the things this world has told me I do - nor do they necessarily Want them! My job is to raise them, able to walk on their own two feet, to love them, to introduce them to the Lord and His word, and beyond that I am obligated to give them a Mom who knows God and who can live without them and can live without meddling in their business. It's time for them to step out there and fly ... Or land in a pile of doo! If I spend an over abundance of time hovering and involved then I will not be able to be stable with God. I have too many kids to be reaching out 5 different directions and hovering 5 different ways. And still find time to meet The Lord every day like I am supposed to. I also have neglected my husband far too long for trying to prevent consequences from reaching my kids. When I got married - I immediately moved away from my parents. It was nice because at that point I had my own life and I knew it was not their responsibility to keep our relationship going - it was mine. I called -daily sometimes, and I went back as much as I could. I loved them and they loved me. They prayed for me and cheered me along. If I would have always expected them to perform to my expectations, I would have always been unhappy with them.
This time I have learned that it's time - let her go - not because I'm smarter or because I love her more or less than the others. This time I know that being a believer devoted to prayer is more important than care packages and giving advice. When the time is right she will call me. She will come see me. They all will eventually.
This time is time to be the wife who has finally heard from God and from her man and let all of the children fall into place.
Sigh -- now I need to give some thought to an 8 year old birthday party in 4 days! 8 years old - one of my favorite ages of children ever - and this time I can enjoy it without raising a group of children. It isn't better or worse it's just new -- and I'm one really lucky lady to get to experience both extremes in my parenting years!
Good Luck to my new college freshman! I love you Lots - will cry some tears missing you - and will be there to visit as soon as I can!
Mama
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