Nashville's Newest Star

Well that's it - we've dropped her off, I can't imagine why her new employer wants such a little bit for a new employee... What's that you say? She is in  her  20's?? That's funny, because no matter how many times I blinked, this is what my eyes saw when we drove away. 

When my kids were little I couldn't wait to see what they would be when they grew up, but now all I can see is what they were.  

I have cried so many tears over the last few weeks. So many well meaning people have told me to just "let them go."  Well, what makes you think I'm not willing?! The grieving of my family unit not being the same ever again doesn't mean I wish to hold them back. The presence of tears doesn't mean I won't let go, it means I have let go and am processing the sorrow of missing them so I can Rejoice in the success of their dreams. 

When people walk through something, please know that what you think you see may not actually be what you assume. . Your words of "advice" without experience are delivered with good intentions but really serve more as a burden to the intended.  If you want to help, bring a tub of ice cream and 2 spoons.  Sit with me while I grieve, because tomorrow you will be the first to be invited to a celebration of their successes! My kids are fantastic and there will be reason to celebrate in the morning! 

Move-in Day!

Well I did it! Dropped another one off at college and I survived! When we dropped my oldest off I cried almost 6 hours on the way back home. Did I just love her more? Of course not. Was it because she was my first and I had never had to do such a thing? ... In part yes. But the more children I let go of the more I learn that I really don't "owe" them all of the things this world has told me I do - nor do they necessarily Want them! My job is to raise them, able to walk on their own two feet, to love them, to introduce them to the Lord and His word, and beyond that I am obligated to give them a Mom who knows God and who can live without them and can live without meddling in their business. It's time for them to step out there and fly ... Or land in a pile of doo!  If I spend an over abundance of time hovering and involved then I will not be able to be stable with God. I have too many kids to be reaching out 5 different directions and hovering 5 different ways. And still find time to meet The Lord every day like I am supposed to. I also have neglected my husband far too long for trying to prevent consequences from reaching my kids.  When I got married - I immediately moved away from my parents. It was nice because at that point I had my own life and I knew it was not their responsibility to keep our relationship going - it was mine. I called -daily sometimes, and I went back as much as I could. I loved them and they loved me. They prayed for me and cheered me along. If I would have always expected them to perform to my expectations, I would have always been unhappy with them. 

This time I have learned that it's time - let her go - not because I'm smarter or because I love her more or less than the others. This time I know that being a  believer devoted to prayer is more important than care packages and giving advice. When the time is right she will call me. She will come see me. They all will eventually. 

This time is time to be the wife who has finally heard from God and from her man and let all of the children fall into place. 

Sigh -- now I need to give some thought to an 8 year old birthday party in 4 days! 8 years old - one of my favorite ages of children ever - and this time I can enjoy it without raising a group of children. It isn't better or worse it's just new -- and I'm one really lucky lady to get to experience both extremes in my parenting years! 

Good Luck to my new college freshman! I love you Lots - will cry some tears missing you - and will be there to visit as soon as I can!  

Mama

College Bound!

This month has a lot going on for us! Several children are leaving home all at once!  I hear my friends fretting about letting their babies go off to college, and yet one friend said "I'm tellin' you, I'm going to miss my son something Terrible! But I mean to tell ya' he has found every button in me and PUSHes them ALL. DAY. LONG!"

I'm here to tell you -- it's a gift from God! It happens almost every time! Sometimes I think the stronger the bond the more treacherous the relationship right before a (necessary) separation! Whether You feel like you have or not, THEY have to cut the cord. In kids who have loyalty in their veins, they want to separate so bad to become an adult and they just don't know how to do it without feeling disloyal! So they begin to find faults with you " I know you won't let me" or "you won't approve of my choices"  so they begin to reject you in tiny ways. Sometimes in big ways. Sometimes there's a big "WELL I'M LEAVING!" moment. Mom - listen to me close. You will cry. You will feel rejected and you will feel cut to the core - even if you KNOW this in your head, your heart wants every last day to be singing the Barney theme song "I Love You! You Love Me! We're a happy family..." (You sang that didn't you?) but your college bound - or adult bound children push buttons - a lot of them! Very rarely are we able to ignore it. Even though they are convinced they have you figured out - you can't help it. You see several things that are going to cause them a LOT of trouble and you really want to fix that so they can avoid the heartache coming!

My first daughter went to Chattanooga, TN to play softball and go to college. She told me later she did a whole lot more playing ball than focusing on college! LOL leading up to dropping her off we screamed we cried and I felt like my heart was being ripped out. We drove the 900 miles or so to drop her off, everyone took vacation and we took several cars out there to celebrate her jump into adulthood!

Bear with me I KNOW this is irrational. But I feared the moment we would leave the WHOLE way out there.  You see no matter what was logical - my mothers heart said. I have to take this kid out there and Leave her. And I WANT to. I know it's good. I know she is happy! But I also know there will come a moment when I will TURN MY BACK ON MY CHILD AND GET IN THE CAR AND LEAVE HER!!! When that moment came it felt like betrayal and I cried all the way across Tennessee to probably Memphis. Everyone was quiet and my husband tried to comfort me which only made me cry harder. But eventually I was okay (my contacts had to be thrown away but I was okay) and I got through that year without doing all of the things a helicopter parent should do! I was horrible at care packages (there was no Pinterest then), and didn't call nearly as much as I should! But she was fine! If you know my oldest you would say OF COURSE she was! Of all my children she is the most driven, the most able to push herself to the limits! But it was hard!

People say "you must be an old pro by now!"  Yes and no. I can deal with the irrational a little better but each child is different! So many special memories! So much hope and potential! And nights spent holding them! Singing to them! Protecting them! When we drive to AR here in a few weeks I might take her favorite childhood book and hold her and sing it to her one more time! I mean the other kids in the dorm would say "Awwww" right?  RIGHT?!

Okay I won't but maybe I want to! True to His character God has brought several of my girls and myself to the gift of pushing each other's buttons so we can let go of each other. But I'm here to tell you, separating this Mama and her girls is not easy. Necessary but not easy. I love them all!

Moms we will get through this! It's a good thing!! Now - someone bring me a Kleenex - cheesecake - and Mint tea!! I need comforting!

Blessings for today!
Heather

My Oldest Catching at Chattanooga State 2008

My 4th Daughter ... Off to become a Mulerider here in a few weeks. :)