Did you read that? Adult women are worse at body shaming themselves and others than young girls going through puberty. Shame on us. Period. Because those young girls going through puberty are listening to everything we (and everyone else) say about our bodies and the bodies of those around us. When my girls were babies and growing up I never owned a scale. This is a foreign concept to a Lot of people. But one of my girls said to me one time "I think one of the best things you ever did for us was to not have a scale in the house. I remember watching "Freida" throw up in the bathroom every day after lunch, and other girls sit and cry during recess because they weighed too much in 5th grade and they were tormented by it all." I didn't own a scale because at some point every woman steps on a scale and looks down to see this.
We do it to ourselves mostly. Sure we all get "bullied" by others at some point. Some of us get bullied repeatedly, others don't. But we ALL have bullied ourselves. Don't believe me? How many of you have read an article like this - and fretted just a little over how far off from what you perceive to be the goal?
We all fret for many reasons - what will the other ladies/girls think of me? I know they're making fun of me in this outfit - someone with MY body shape shouldn't wear skinny jeans (or whatever outfit you're in right now).
Until the last maybe 5 years having a big derriere or lower half in general was embarrassing. All of the girls wanted the picture below. That body where your thighs don't touch. My thighs were always pretty much the same size. Whether muscular or flabby they measured the same so I always tried to keep them muscled up. I mean I was proud of strength and toned up legs but then a girl like below would walk by and I was right back to The Land of Misfit Toys with my self image again.
My husband doesn't like the "thigh gap" body. Told me as such back in high school even. He told me that the skinny legs are a big turn off for him. When we would see a woman with skinny legs and I would remark on this he would say "Ya and look - it looks like her leg could snap in two on any given step - it's gross!" I mean I Wanted to believe him but there was so much propaganda on the other side from media to magazines to conversations with friends that it just always stayed with me. We had a neighbor move in probably 17 years ago or so right next door. Not only did this gal have skinny legs - they were long - and so was her blonde hair. I HATED seeing her go out for a walk somewhere. I mean really - couldn't she just stay on her couch?? When you walk out your front door honey - can you just get into your car and drive to the gym - that place I avoid where all you skinny legged people are running on treadmills and lamenting about how "fat" you are???
We were driving down the street one time and she was walking somewhere (again unnecessary exercise right?!?) I said "I know you say you don't like that body type but I sure would like to know the 'burden' of those legs." with a giggle. He looked at me (very UNamused) and said "ya well when her leg snaps in two and she can't make it home YOU get to go pick her up and carry her for help. One of our girls could probably do that. It's too skinny Heather." I decided that day that I would not make comments to him about it anymore but it was still my internal battle.
Years later (remember I've had 5 children and could really stand to lose a significant amount of weight). I had said something about not dieting but watching the type of food I used for intake. I had been making a good run at it as well. Was down about 10 lbs and feeling good. My husband called and said "I have a surprise for you!" But wouldn't say what it was. Ladies - when he got home I swear to goodness he walked through that door with a big smile on his face thinking he had done the BEST thing in the world. He handed me a white square box. I instantly recognized this box - the kind that comes from some type of bakery. "I drove by an Amish Bakery today and pulled over to buy you your favorite!! Pecan Pie from the Amish!"
Okay come on, can I get an Amen from the big girl club here? We all know I'm about to eat more than one piece of that stinking pie before it's all gone. A WHOLE PIE?!? Do they not sell them by the slice? Good Grief! But I looked up into his face and that was the last day I worried about my body. My husband loved me and here's the thing ladies and girls beginning a life of self-doubt. God created him with that desire and that set of criteria. He doesn't find skinny legs and a thigh gap attractive because God created him to be attracted to everything about me.
Of course I'm not advocating to run off in the ditch here and eat pecan pie weekly. There's an extreme to all of these issues and neither ditch is productive. I'm currently back to watching what I eat and trying to figure out an exercise program right for my body because I refuse to spend any more time at my age killing myself in a gym doing the exercises Thigh Gap girl does when it really won't reshape my body much. I'm back to worrying about toning myself up instead of cutting myself in half. I have a weight in mind where I felt the best. According to the government guidelines that weight puts me borderline obese still but I know where I felt the best. I've been way too skinny for my body type and right now I'm way too heavy for my body type. But What I know is that if our men don't see the imperfections we feel are such a burden - why do we? I'm challenging you to find a weight for your body type and your age that makes you feel good. Not look like a magazine - Not "BEACH READY" or any of the other ridiculous unattainable things we measure ourselves by.
There are men created for each of us who really Do prefer your funny looking toes or your big ears or the gap in your teeth because the rest of you is attractive. They're looking for loyalty and commitment and respect. They aren't looking for a Kardashian or Victoria Secret model. And if your man has told you he loves the way you were created - why don't you?
Young girls - teenagers .... If you are fervently hoping for the attention of a man who constantly is attracted to the opposite of your body type you need to look at WHY you want him. If he gives you attention will you just be using it to validate your insecurities? Wish him and thigh gap girl well and lift up your face. The man God created for you is probably waiting on you to notice he's there!
Blessings for Today ya'll - We need 'em every day!
Heather
P.S. Just a little bonus here ... Never -- EVER -- Ever in eternity should you Google pictures for "funny looking toes". While trying to find pictures for this blog that was one of the pictures I thought would be funny. NOT funny! Not even a little bit. People - you won't sleep for a week. For the Love of God - Don't do it!!!
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