** If you're my child you probably won't want to read this yet. ***
My first 3 children were strict crib sleepers. I would hold them to go to sleep and then put them in their crib. If they woke in the middle of the night I repeated the actions. I'm not sure why except that as a Young parent I tried to do a lot of things the way I felt the older generation thought I SHOULD do them. I was in the grocery store with my oldest at 13 months and she had a bottle. An older lady approached me and asked how old she was and then proceeded to act like I was the most scandalous woman she had ever met! "Babies should be long done with the bottle by 12 months!! Why are you still letting her have one? Is she not CAPABLE of drinking from a cup?" I went home that day and threw away every bottle in the house and worried that my child's development had been stunted from the extra month of bottle use. Today if that lady would approach me I probably would reach out and to keep from strangling her I would pat her on the head and say "Well YOU must be a breath of fresh air to live with!!" And stick the bottle in my baby's mouth and move on. Who knows maybe I would stick the bottle in MY mouth and move on. When I got delivered from peer pressure I was Really delivered from it.
Our last two children were co-sleepers. My fourth daughter was emotionally capable of sleeping in her own bed and did occasionally. But at that time my husband worked midnights. Who did it hurt if she slept with me 5 nights a week? The two nights he was home ... I either made a big deal about "spending the night" with one of her sisters, or she camped out in the living room under a blanket fort, or she slept in her own bed .... or she slept with us. My baby has carried a lot of fear and some nightmares. She COULD not be alone - ever. She slept with us or occasionally one of her sisters every single night until the week before she turned 8!!! (This was just recently by-the-way)
When I am asked about co-sleeping 70% of the question is not about whether it is good for the child really. 70% of the questions really focus more on whether it is good for the marriage. Especially from believers, who for some reason are afraid to ask the question out loud - here's the real question. "Will my marriage suffer? My husband says we will never ... Um be intimate again if I let the baby sleep with us?! Will my husband cheat on me because we co-sleep with our babies?"
When we conceived our 5th child - our 4th was still co-sleeping with us some ... not as much but still pretty consistently. My oldest was starting her senior year in high school and had certainly developed her own "ideas" regarding sex and even the marriage bed. On her first day of college at her softball team meeting they had to go around the room and tell about themselves. Shana starts out with the fact that she is the oldest of 5 girls. Her baby sister is 1. "This means that my parents still "DO IT" and that's pretty awkward."
Wait child - you said what??? Sheeeshhhh!? Can you imagine what everyone must have been thinking when they met us?! Holy Cow!
Ladies, here's the short answer to the questions you whisper to me after we discuss the pros and cons to the child regarding co-sleeping. Your marriage will not suffer if you don't let it. You will still be able to take care of your husband if you get your mind out of the rut that the marriage "bed" is the only place you can be intimate. There's the closet .... the garage ...the master bathroom ... the office ...(because I know my children and every single one of them read this anyway and at this point are horrified I'll only add one more) there's even outside. Do NOT - I repeat -- Do NOT become an indecent burden for your neighbors or children and claim Heather told you to! Indecent exposure charges are NOT what I'm advocating here! What I'm advocating is to love your children AND your husband. Reach out to him - show him that just because your bed is a place of comfort and safety to your children, it doesn't mean that you will be unable to show him you desire him and his affection again until the child moves into junior high and her own bed! Your husband Needs to see you making an effort to reach out for him. If he sees nothing wrong with co-sleeping but worries about you being available anymore, you need to commit to him that you will put him first. When the children are asleep in your bed and your husband feels put on the back burner - leave the sleeping child there and grab him by the hand and take him somewhere to reassure him he is the first precious thing after God in your life.
Now this is a pretty scandalous and brave proclamation in the church, I get that, but just because we all agree modesty is honorable, does not mean that we are not woman - created by God to bring Him glory - and placed by God to be the help mate, friend, supporter , and yes lover of our husband.
So ya! To answer your question- you Can still have a good marriage if you co-sleep with your babies! Your husband is only going to cheat on you if it is in him to do so! You neglecting his needs might be the excuse he needs to rush to this action but a man will not cheat unless it's in him to do so. Finally, your marriage will only suffer if you don't make it a priority to be there for each other - mentally, spiritually, emotionally, AND physically!
P.S. All of these pictures were taken BY my husband because he saw these moments as precious not threatening to his needs. No it isn't ALL your responsibility, but the home is greatly steered my the mood and attitude of Mama "If Mama ain't happy..." We'll get happy Mama -- and get a little creative as well!
Blessings for today ya'll - we need 'em every day.
Blessings for today ya'll - we need 'em every day.
Heather
**** the thoughts and opinions expressed in this blog are not necessarily those of the friends or family she has or the church she may attend, the town she lives in, nor the state in which she resides. All parties are to not be held liable for the opinions expressed within 😜
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