I met this family when the boy was in 5th grade. Same age as my daughter, Who fell instantly in love with him. Don't tell me you can't fall in love in 5th grade ... my house rose and fell with whether they were on good terms as friends, sometimes as boyfriend/girlfriend, and whether or not he gave her his jersey on Fridays to wear (it was a big deal people ... the biggest - and it determined the mood in the Westover household for the rest of the weekend). My pastor says "Don't say ... awe it's just puppy love! It's REAL to the puppy!" And this was true in our case.
His Mom and I became fast friends. We didn't see each other a lot and I know she had closer daily friends than me but we just had one of those friendships that you instantly have loyalty to. Sure we disagreed over the years because we're both strong women. In a unique turn of events, our husbands even really like each other and if you've been married a while you'll know that's rare for all 4 people to really enjoy each other's company.
When we met she was still grieving the loss of her daughter. At 4 she lost her little girl to a very 'once in a million' situation that just cannot be foreseen so there's no way to prevent type situation. She was the strongest woman I knew - I mean how do you do that? But she did, and she did it with a fierceness to cling to God that intimidated and even drove away some people. That's okay - you didn't walk her road so you may not need her level of warrior for Jesus spirit, but I loved her for it. At one point we were privileged enough to attend the same church together and we laughed and cried and prayed together so many times.
Her son was deeply changed and grieved over the loss of his little sister. Depression snuck up behind him and became a constant companion. Addiction followed and joined forces with depression. His Mama never stopped fighting. For years when we would see each other I would ask 'How's your son?' and every time she would reply "He is the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus...." and grin that exasperated grin all Mom's of challenging teenagers grin. She stayed one step ahead of him - rode him hard to fight against depression - kick addiction - make better choices - and keep fighting. She gave him tough love - a soft place to land - she begged God to hunt him down and overtake him, but he was only able to get victory in spurts. He continued his love for my daughter and she for him. He wanted them to be together but he would push her away because he wanted to protect her from what tormented him. She did the same - she loved him but wouldn't give in to the chaos he couldn't defeat. They kept in touch every couple months his whole life right up until the end.
I loved that boy. I mean he would tell me the trouble he was in and I heard it, but he would look me deeply in the eye, engage me, hug me, and really make you feel like he was NOT wrapped up in himself and depression/addiction and it was so hard for me to believe the one who always hugged me and loved me when we saw each other was the same guy he would tell me about - or even that his Mom and I prayed for. It was surreal.
Last night I went to their house and held her as she cried and told me of the last conversation they had. And how they got the phone call that he had taken his life. I'm not going to give you details because you don't need to know. It isn't about how it happened. It's about how a mother never gave up and all of her words of prophecy are completed. She believes with all her heart that he is a believer and in the arms of Jesus now. All that keeps running through my head is He is the Righteousness of God in Christ Jesus more today than ever before.
How do you minister to a woman who has lost 2 babies? How do you make her see that she is the strongest woman you know when she feels so weak? She told me she needs help today and wants me there to do it. They have to go to his place and collect his things. They have to go to the funeral home - they have to make all of the decisions that a mom should never have to make. And she has to do it for the second time in her life. Holding her and crying with her isn't enough. But it's what we are going to do today. She has closer daily friends - but because of my daughter and this beautiful boy, she wants us to be there. I'm honored. I'm grieved. I held my daughter for a long time when we left there last night and thought about how important she is to me. How important they all are to me. And how my heart just hurts for my friend.
Depression - Addiction - Suicide Sometimes the victory is won in eternity, not on earth. Sometimes it's the most painful thing for those left behind. But knowing he is finally at peace is comforting. Right now God and that comfort is all we have. So it's what we take into battle for the next few days.
I keep looking for a good way to end this post but there just isn't one. Thank you Lord for being the strength that we don't have today.
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