The Best Flight I've Ever Had!

 Y’all!

For those who love my stories - You. Will. Not. Believe. This.

*but It’s a long one. There’s profanity, cheating, drunkenness, mild violence (so far), and some of you won’t believe this, but at different points of the last several hours Corey and I at one point or another, have sat there with our jaws on the ground.

While at DFW airport, we had several hours before our next flight. We decided to grab lunch. While we were eating, I see a woman at the bar.

Me (to Corey): if I thought my hair would Do that I really like that hairstyle.

Him: (turning around and looking her over ... in my head I was thinking ... just her head Corey ... that’s all that needs looking over ) Nahhhhh. You need to be that fair complected, NATURAL blonde for that to look right.

Me:

Whatever - it would look great red too.

She’s a little annoying because she is pretty much the magazine model for my age group. Cute hairstyle, obvious breast surgery, naturally skinny. Bleh, whatever- I’m not totally insecure with myself but those women who have it seemingly effortlessly are annoying.

Get to our next flight and you’ll never guess who prances up?

They call Corey forward to get our standby seats. He comes back and says “they only had one seat in first class ... so We are in Row 12”

Me: that’s fine - whatever it takes as long as we get there.

Him: we are in an exit row.

Me: ok

Boarding the plane I hear Miss Thang behind me. “Oh great and I’m also in a F**ng exit row it’s a f**ng good thing I’m almost drunk because this sh** is ridiculous.”

Me: (thinking) please God No - WE are in an exit row.

Corey is oblivious.

Pretty soon Miss Thang gets on the phone very loudly with her BFF (obviously) and begins ripping her companion apart. “HE F**NG TOOK FIRST CLASS AND SAT ME BACK HERE IN AN EXIT ROW. I KNOW my worth. I AM something! He better be chasing ME! He better be begging for ANY attention from me! Do they serve alcohol on this flight?! They better serve alcohol on this flight!”

Corey: what’s happening here?

Me: it’s Miss Hairstyle from lunch. Apparently, she’s about to sit right beside us while her husband/boyfriend is in First class and she’s REALLY happy about it.

Him: No-No- NOOOOOO

Me: shhh here she is.

In all her splendid glory she trounces into her seat continuing to bemoan her luck of being stuck with someone on this trip who isn’t panting after her batting eyelashes.

Me: I’m going to apologize to her.

Corey: what for?!?

Me: well I’m going to tell her they offered you that seat but you wouldn’t split us up and if one of us would have just taken it, this would have never happened to her!

Him: Heather I swear to God, please don’t say ANYTHING to her. Don’t look at her. Don’t make eye contact!

Me: you know this is too good to pass up right??

Another lady by us is Terribly offended by Hairstyle’s language and (loud) whisper talking comments to me about it. Meanwhile, the guy behind my right shoulder is locked in on Hairstyle and listening to her conversation intently. As soon as she hangs up he instantly says “your man is an a**hole I would Never treat you this way - let me tell you.” (Blah blah blah)

Meanwhile, I am thoroughly enjoying all of the drama and turn to my husband and say “they’ll be sitting together before this flight is over”

He scolds me... “no way, stop it”

Hairstyle gets another drink. Pretty soon as usually happens, she has to pee. ‘Ol girl stands up Hard forgetting there’s overhead compartments and hits her head so hard she probably has whiplash. She heads to the lavatory in First Class because ... That's where She belongs! When she came back she had to lean over and show her boyfriend her extensive vocabulary ... again.

I’m almost scream laughing at this point and Corey says... umm wow look at that guy in front of us!!!! Is that Adam Sandler?!? And I swear to you I would not have been surprised to hear .... H 2 O!!! My flight just got even better!!

Finally, I settle in, reading my book, and hear my husband gasp... “YOU. WERE. RIGHT!!!” I look around and guess who I see sitting together

They (in their self proclaimed drunken state) debated several verses of scripture. I wanted to join the debate but again my husband is no fun.

Now they’ve exchanged phone numbers. They are planning to meet up. They spent a little time kissing... loudly The other lady near us continues to loudly whisper talk her opinion to me about the whole thing and I giggle and nod my head.

We’ve decided that we aren’t calling an Uber right away, we are going to follow the drama a little bit and see who she leaves with!

Before we get off this plane all I can think is .... ok God I’m sorry. You can even let them stay at my hotel if you want!!!

So You Want Some Advice .....

ad·vice

/ədˈvīs/

Learn to pronounce

noun

1. 1.

   guidance or recommendations offered with regard to prudent future action.

Just look at the word.  Advice.  Does it bring you anxiety or comfort? We could substitute counsel, confer, communicate, ask, and a plethora of many other words in its place but the meaning is the same.  Getting advice = inviting another to speak into your life and or dilemma. 

The problem with getting advice is that most of us don’t seek it until we’re in a “pickle”.  By that point our anxiety is high, we feel short on time, and generally, we cast a wide net.  Heck, sometimes we even just make a post on social media and see what comes in.  This can be dangerous however because almost everyone who gives advice will give you a little bit different guidance than the next person.  Pretty soon you’re entangled in a bigger ball of chaos than you were before you asked the question! 

WHO to ask for advice: 

• To be smart about asking for advice, it should be done before there is a crisis.  Especially now with social media, we can see so many scenarios ahead of time before they ever become an issue.  For example, when should I pull my invested money out of the market?  Don’t wait for everything to be crashing around you before you decide to ask advice and devise a game plan.  Likewise, don’t wait until you only have one week of maternity leave left to reach out and try to decide if you want to be a stay-at-home mom for the foundational years.  Reach out and figure this out before you ever see 2 pink lines on that pregnancy test…. well, as best as you can anyway.  The hormones and emotions those little critters bring into your life can require a 180-degree change of plans in an instant but you know what I mean.  Be as prepared as you can be. 

• WHO you ask for advice may be the most critical component.  Keep your number of people small and odd (3 or 5 people for example). 

• This is the first person you ask, are you listening? Someone whom your heart and spirit identify with.  There are a lot of GOOD people out there that we respect, but the niche they’ve carved for themselves just isn’t something that would feel comfortable on your skin. Some of us feel obligated to ask family.  Maybe it’s even wise.  Family members may be able to say something in a phrase or way that strikes an ancient genetic cord within you and you just know, but hear me clearly, it does not always have to be family.  You’re family, not clones.  All of us have people in our lives we’ve watched.  Someone we respect for how they have handled life in this particular area.  You recognize that they have made their fair share of mistakes along the way but you even respect how they walked out the mistake.   This person should be someone who has already walked the road you’re on and headed for the same destination you’re locked in on.  Asking your friend who has never worked on a car a day in their life is probably not the person to advise you how to change your oil. This person’s answers and advice should be weighted heavier than others. I would also say this should be a different person for each different topic? Don’t ask the atheist how you can hear God more clearly etc.,  Pick this person purposefully.   

• Person #2 This person should be closer to your age and also going through much the same events you are.  Asking my 80-year-old mom how she feels about whether my 13 year old should have Tik Tok will probably not yield current, pertinent, or even relevant information.  Someone who is currently struggling with the same thing will have new and different thoughts or experiences.  It will give you another current piece to the puzzle. This person’s advice is weighted just behind the first. 

• Lastly, ask someone who IS maybe on a little bit of a different road than you.  If you only ask those exactly like you, you will end up with a very narrow road to travel.  Outside opinions are good and might just add one tiny little detail to your situation that will breathe new life into how you approach things. With this person, you’re looking for new ways to incorporate your core self, not necessarily looking to let them guide who you are if that makes sense. 

The Dangers of asking Everyone for advice: 

• Back to my Tik Tok question.  On my FB page, I’m friends with everyone from Amish to Atheist and Every varying degree between.  From friends of my kids at 13 to people in their 90s.  It’s a tightrope and one I try to stay mindful of. Can you imagine the varying degree of advice I’d receive if I just blindly asked if I should let my 13-year-old have Tik Tok? This is a danger because not only will everyone have a different opinion, the likelihood of some of them getting into a spat is extremely high and I will not have helped my situation at all. 

The Dangers of only asking one person for advice: 

• We get it.  You Love them.  You respect them.  You would do anything for them, including trying to clone them and their life decisions.  If that is what you want then by all means, keep on keeping on.  I have a daughter who basically parents the same way I did.  But to be honest, I respect her more every time I see her apply a new tactic I’d never even thought of.  There are a ton of ways to honor someone without doing Everything they tell you or mimicking the way they did it. There’s only one you - act like it. 

Lastly, as with all advice - treat this article like it’s meant to be treated.  This was advice.  Not a government mandate, not gospel, not something that should be followed no matter what.  Take all the pieces that spoke to you and put them together with all the other stuff and be YOU.  Everyone is afraid of failing so just let me get that over with.  You WILL fail.  Everyone does.  Pick yourself up, learn from it, and continue.  Because inevitably, someone will be asking you for advice very soon. 

50 Years Old and I Don't Get A Redo.

 

I am 50 years old.

I don't get a chance to redo any of this and sometimes I So wish I could. I always heard the "old-timers" talk about days gone by, things and events they could never get back.  I had so many years ahead of me it seemed a waste of time to think that way.  Actually, it Can be a waste of the present to think too long on the future no matter what age you are, but I kind of get it now. 

Look at her over there.  I can still feel the softness of that shirt.  The hope of "tomorrow" and the excitement of what it would bring.  I am an optimist.  Always have been.  You can see it in the wrinkle of my eyes and the depth of the toothless grin. Sometimes a cynical season creeps in but for the most part, I've always been able to find the good in people, the hope for tomorrow, the faith that things will be okay again.  

I'm glad I can't go back and tell her that Dad dies when you're still young.  I would have probably stayed in South Dakota and soaked up every event and memory I could have instead of getting married and moving off to Our adventure.  Ohhhh I loved my Dad, but that would have been a mistake.  

I'm glad I can't go back and tell her to be more proud of Mom and invest time with her.  Then I wouldn't have been so blown away watching her attack life when she became widowed.  Gaining appreciation and respect in your adulthood is a solid moment.

I'm glad that I can't go back and tell her that within 2 years of this pic your best friend will be born.  The little sister that was such a surprise turns into such a blessing.  The years of her spending the summer with you as a teenager while all of your babies were toddlers.  Trust was born there, Honesty grew roots, fear vanquished, and with every hardship you bonded.  

My husband and I have had an Adventure.  As with all adventures, there are hardships, chapters you wish you could cut out, and things that make you cry.  But every hardship molded me.  They raised me.  Hardships have more a part to play in who I am than even my Dad did I think?! Some of my hardships even bled onto my kids.  I have apologized for them, but I don't think that repairs anything.  I think it's just also going to have to be part of who they are, and what raised them.  With the struggles also came the victories.  The victories were sweet as honey and fed me soul.  Somehow we've survived.  And it's good. 

I'm glad I can't go back and tell her that you have a terrible decade of marriage thanks to a prescription that put your husband in a strangle-hold from the first dose.  I do wish I could tell her that no matter what it appears, it will allllll be okay.  I DO wish however that I could go back and tell her to work on her emotions so that she doesn't spend 40 years in a Reactive mode.  Get to the Pro-active mode faster.  

I'm glad I can't go back and tell her that if you wouldn't travel so much you could have more worldly possessions.  Because I don't want possessions, I cherish the memories.  

I Would tell her to have chased the singing a little more.  Get professional coaching, sign up for that musical, stop being embarrassed!  The way your soul flies when you're singing, alone or in a performance, that's real. 

I'm glad I can't tell her of all the people who cut ties and walked away from her.  It would have happened anyway and knowing how I love people... it would have pierced my heart just as much.  She doesn't need to know that yet. 

I'm glad I can't tell her that she has 5 daughters, adopts one boy for his high school years, and is a foster mom to many in and out of the system.  That's something that even surprised this little one as the years went by.  It gave me confidence in the purity of my heart.  Sure, I step into quicksand quite often and end up in a mess, but where would I be, What would I be if I didn't reach out!? 

          


I'm glad I can't tell her all of the events that lead up to being given the title of Granny!  Seeing them run at me with their arms open wide yelling "Grannyyyyyyy!" - that's something that will light up your heart and it needs no intervention.  It is pure, and wonderful. 

My heart has a list now.  I'm checking off bucket list things for my 50th year.  I'm creating a Life Bucket List. I want to Love, I want to BE loved.  Every weird side of me wants to experience it's desires and wants someone to love me for it.  I'm sure that my husband is ready for all of those things.  He's a wise man in so many ways, and he knows not to underestimate my Gypsy soul.  

Don't fear 50.  It really is just a number.  It, in fact, brings sagging muscles, wrinkles, turkey neck, and flabby arms by the time it gets here, but the wrinkles, stretch marks and scars are beautiful.  The turkey neck, sagging muscles and flabby arms?  There's doctors for that, and I'm going to be making an appointment with them soon.  LOL  

Be You - let your soul live.  It's the way God wished you could have lived all along anyway!  

Blessings y'all 

        We need 'em every day. 

My Body - My Enemy

My personal journey with my body.  

Women are hard on themselves. I didn’t grow up in the age of social media. I had Cheryl Tiegues and Cover Girl trying to guide my looks in the 1970’s when I was just hitting the formative years.  The 80’s weren’t much more dangerous as far as social pressure.  So why do I and all other women my age struggle with body image? We didn’t fight what these kids are now? 

I’ve had 5 kids and the body road map to prove it.  Honestly the stretch marks are the only think I Like about what’s happened to me through the years.  I embrace those and if they ever fully faded away I would be sad. 

I'm now 50 years old and I have crepe skin.  I do moisture therapy treatments ... it sags anyway.  Not because I'm fat or because I didn't have a moisture regimen in my 30s.... it sags anyway because it's supposed to as you age.  I'm not saying give in and gain all the weight, let your skin go, wreck your body with chocolate for breakfast and alcohol for lunch and dinner.  I'm saying accept where you are.  If you're married and your man isn't interested anymore.... some (SOME) of that has to do with age... some of it needs to be livened up with your imagination and willingness to become or try something new in his eyes.  

I exercise and my stomach goes down ... but it comes back again because when I'm on the road or with family, I eat differently than I do at home.   There are days I look in the rear view mirror and am shocked at how accurate the term "turkey neck" applies to this age.  Not to me.  Just to this time of life.  

I attended a funeral recently and saw many many people I haven't seen in years.  When I saw them I didn't notice their turkey neck or crepe skin, when I saw them I looked in their eyes and remembered.  When I have history with people and I see them again for the first time in a long time, I see everything that makes them part of my life.  I see the man with the brightest blue eyes from high school.  They're still there and he's still genuinely interested in how everyone is.  I see the gal who was an old heifer to me in high school because she was older than me and although I didn't talk to her ... I'm positive she's still a heifer.  I saw the man who worked for my dad for years and I still see his eagerness to learn and be a part of my family.  I saw the man who lived with my family for a few years and he's still the guy with the biggest heart I've ever met.  

The doctors have attached many ICD10 codes to my charts over the years in the form of diagnosis.  Because of them, I stand funny, my skin looks a certain way, my stomach has a difficult time remembering it's supposed to have a waist and although I exercise to combat them for health and strength reasons, I'm pretty positive when people saw me they remembered precious times with me ... and maybe they noticed my Mustang.  LOL  I really don't think they took inventory of my waistline.  If you have someone who you think will..... Stop talking to them.  

Social Media has come into our lives and enriched it so much.  I can see all of these people I love almost on a daily basis on all the sites.  I communicate with a huge number of them and I would never have known anything more than idle gossip without them.  

Social Media has wrecked our lives.  It has taken our minds and our bodies and used them as weapons against us.  Sally used a filter and now Beth can't bear to post her bingo flaps and Karen just scheduled some form of plastic surgery.  

Don't get me wrong - if I can afford it I may be calling a plastic surgeon someday. But Someday isn't today.  Social Media tells me my body is my enemy.  That's wrong.  Some of the diagnosis I've received, Those are my enemy, but my body was perfectly and wonderfully made for me by God.  All of those diagnosis, coupled with age, those are the things I fight - I do not fight myself any longer and my heart goes out to those of you who still do.  

Blessings y'all 

We need 'em every day.  

HW

The $10 Dog

Photo Credit:  PW

The $10 Dog 

To be honest, this all probably started with me believing in another lifetime that you couldn't really train the aggression out of a pit bull.  

Then over the years, one at a time, I came in contact with the breed repeatedly and I began to wonder if maybe it really wasn't bred into them at all?  That the stories I'd heard and the aggressive ones I'd seen were the ones where aggression had actually been Trained into them? 

Then my oldest daughter ends up getting one.  He is Giant, energetic, and convinced he's a lap dog.  My 12 year old daughter spent a few weekends there and she was Convinced that she needed one.  I finally gave in and agreed to go to the pound "just to look".  I took my 2nd daughter - C. (I have 5 girls LOL ) with us because she's a dog groomer and can spot dog aggression and temperament a LOT easier than I can.  

We get there, and there's SO many dogs.  This shelter is a kill shelter.  The city runs it and sponsors most of the adoption fees.  Full price adoptions are $75.  I noticed many of the dogs had $10 tags on their kennel.  Curious, but I was too oblivious to how things truly worked to really understand I kept looking for THE dog.  

We had taken a couple outside but none of them were a good match for us.  My older daughter kept telling my little one to look at a specific $10 dog.  They called her Marley Dawn.  She has almost black circles around her eyes that look menacing.  She is anything but menacing. While we waited for someone to break her out of her kennel for us, I continued to walk around.  I came back around the corner and there was my daughter just camped out on the floor in front of her door. 

We got her outside and she broke away from us to go to the end of the play area and do her business.... for a long time.  Then she tentatively came to meet us.  Within about 24 seconds she rolled right on top of my younger daughter's feet and rolled over for belly rubs.  Occasionally she would jump up to wag her tail ... which ended up wagging her entire back end ... and then again ... assume the position for more belly rubs.  

Both of my daughters were convinced she was the one.  I Wanted her to be the one, but I'm still a little bit skeptical.  Is this too good to be true?  

After spending a couple hours there what I Did know was ... They were a kill shelter.  The $10 tag on their kennel meant they only had a few days left... Okay fine ... my "just to look" turned into me paying $10 before we left that night.  She had to stay so they could spay her.  That would take 5 days to accomplish.  Her new Mama thought surely she'd never survive the 5 days.  

So We went back ... daily.  We fed her treats, we put a stopwatch to how long it took her to destroy a normal tennis ball (about 2 minutes).  Every day when we left, P would give her a special treat from PetSmart (an alligator, or hedgehog tough chew) so she would have something to do while we were gone.  

Finally the day came where we could bring her home.  She bonded with my daughter immediately.  I made her sleep in the crate at first because of her incision.  P decided to sleep on the floor with her hand in the crate so she wouldn't be scared.  After watching her play with us I finally decided to take the chance and let them sleep in bed together.  Inseparable since that day. 

She is great and So gentle with my little Porkie Sheldon (Pomeranian/Yorkie)!  She takes a treat so gentle it's amazing.  Remember those long times at the end of the play yard relieving herself when we took her out?   She never had a mess in her kennel.  Never.  She also has never had an accident in my home. 

That's not to say she doesn't make a mess ... Some poor stuffed animal meets a torturous end almost daily... Except the pink dragon.  She Loves that pink Dragon.  

They said she was 11 mos old when we got her so we have a little puppy energy to deal with, but this is the most trying time with any breed!  

She's literally the Best dog I've ever had on a leash and she is So eager to please it really takes just a couple times of reward/discipline (mostly reward) to teach her house etiquette. 

During this time, Most of us are home because of COVID-19.  You've said it, you know you have.  You Just Don't Have Time to train a new dog.  Well Right now you have all the time in the world.  Every Time I think of the $10 tags it's like a punch in the gut. I know what must be happening there and it's killing me.  Most shelters have modified their procedures, but you can still meet and adopt a dog.  You may not be able to enter the building, you might have to do Everything outside with masks or gloves or whatever, but What Could You Do With a $10 Best Friend?  Save a Life today, Use this time to adopt a dog, walk them every day and get yourself out of the house! 

You Won't Be Sorry!  

Photo Credit:  PW