ad·vice
- 1.guidance or recommendations offered with regard to prudent future action.
Just look at the word. Advice. Does it bring you anxiety or comfort? We could substitute counsel, confer, communicate, ask, and a plethora of many other words in its place but the meaning is the same. Getting advice = inviting another to speak into your life and or dilemma.
The problem with getting advice is that most of us don’t seek it until we’re in a “pickle”. By that point our anxiety is high, we feel short on time, and generally, we cast a wide net. Heck, sometimes we even just make a post on social media and see what comes in. This can be dangerous however because almost everyone who gives advice will give you a little bit different guidance than the next person. Pretty soon you’re entangled in a bigger ball of chaos than you were before you asked the question!
WHO to ask for advice:
To be smart about asking for advice, it should be done before there is a crisis. Especially now with social media, we can see so many scenarios ahead of time before they ever become an issue. For example, when should I pull my invested money out of the market? Don’t wait for everything to be crashing around you before you decide to ask advice and devise a game plan. Likewise, don’t wait until you only have one week of maternity leave left to reach out and try to decide if you want to be a stay-at-home mom for the foundational years. Reach out and figure this out before you ever see 2 pink lines on that pregnancy test…. well, as best as you can anyway. The hormones and emotions those little critters bring into your life can require a 180-degree change of plans in an instant but you know what I mean. Be as prepared as you can be.
WHO you ask for advice may be the most critical component. Keep your number of people small and odd (3 or 5 people for example).
This is the first person you ask, are you listening? Someone whom your heart and spirit identify with. There are a lot of GOOD people out there that we respect, but the niche they’ve carved for themselves just isn’t something that would feel comfortable on your skin. Some of us feel obligated to ask family. Maybe it’s even wise. Family members may be able to say something in a phrase or way that strikes an ancient genetic cord within you and you just know, but hear me clearly, it does not always have to be family. You’re family, not clones. All of us have people in our lives we’ve watched. Someone we respect for how they have handled life in this particular area. You recognize that they have made their fair share of mistakes along the way but you even respect how they walked out the mistake. This person should be someone who has already walked the road you’re on and headed for the same destination you’re locked in on. Asking your friend who has never worked on a car a day in their life is probably not the person to advise you how to change your oil. This person’s answers and advice should be weighted heavier than others. I would also say this should be a different person for each different topic? Don’t ask the atheist how you can hear God more clearly etc., Pick this person purposefully.
Person #2 This person should be closer to your age and also going through much the same events you are. Asking my 80-year-old mom how she feels about whether my 13 year old should have Tik Tok will probably not yield current, pertinent, or even relevant information. Someone who is currently struggling with the same thing will have new and different thoughts or experiences. It will give you another current piece to the puzzle. This person’s advice is weighted just behind the first.
Lastly, ask someone who IS maybe on a little bit of a different road than you. If you only ask those exactly like you, you will end up with a very narrow road to travel. Outside opinions are good and might just add one tiny little detail to your situation that will breathe new life into how you approach things. With this person, you’re looking for new ways to incorporate your core self, not necessarily looking to let them guide who you are if that makes sense.
The Dangers of asking Everyone for advice:
Back to my Tik Tok question. On my FB page, I’m friends with everyone from Amish to Atheist and Every varying degree between. From friends of my kids at 13 to people in their 90s. It’s a tightrope and one I try to stay mindful of. Can you imagine the varying degree of advice I’d receive if I just blindly asked if I should let my 13-year-old have Tik Tok? This is a danger because not only will everyone have a different opinion, the likelihood of some of them getting into a spat is extremely high and I will not have helped my situation at all.
The Dangers of only asking one person for advice:
We get it. You Love them. You respect them. You would do anything for them, including trying to clone them and their life decisions. If that is what you want then by all means, keep on keeping on. I have a daughter who basically parents the same way I did. But to be honest, I respect her more every time I see her apply a new tactic I’d never even thought of. There are a ton of ways to honor someone without doing Everything they tell you or mimicking the way they did it. There’s only one you - act like it.
Lastly, as with all advice - treat this article like it’s meant to be treated. This was advice. Not a government mandate, not gospel, not something that should be followed no matter what. Take all the pieces that spoke to you and put them together with all the other stuff and be YOU. Everyone is afraid of failing so just let me get that over with. You WILL fail. Everyone does. Pick yourself up, learn from it, and continue. Because inevitably, someone will be asking you for advice very soon.
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