Another Daycare Can't Handle Your Awesomeness

So as my daughter posted yesterday, my grandson was removed from another daycare yesterday (effective immediately) basically due to being a normal Autistic little boy. 

So once again our family was "who can take off work? I can watch them until noon!? Okay I'll meet you at noon and take them to my house. What time do you get off?"  Dance we do when we have to pull together for someone in the family who has a need.

I picked up my grandkids and brought them home. We played outside, we fed some animals, and ran away from others .... because apparently bunny rabbits are creepy.  Jumped on the trampoline - chased each other up the swing set, and then it was time for a nap. 

I worked up a sweat getting him to sleep but honestly, his ornery little sister without autism was just as hard to get down as he was. 

As he laid there sleeping, I thought of all the reasons this babysitter couldn't continue his care. She's right, he does do all of the things she said... and he does them a lot. I almost had a moment of compassion for her until I started thinking of all the years raising my nieces and nephews with our family, raising my own kids, and stories other people have told.

His mother threw a hair brush at her little sister and one of the bristles got stuck in her eyeball - true story.  Same little sister pushed his Mama off the bed and broke her elbow. Surgery and two metal pins sticking out of her arm later, we finally healed.

His Mom, at 2, put numerous cats in a headlock and applied bright red lip stick.... they got revenge on her later. 

Shana and Bethanni engaged in several slapping fits leaving scratch marks and bruises. 

My nieces and nephews on the farm threw punches, set boobie traps, refused to play with another, and I think even tied someone up and left them there ... maybe more than once.

When they got older,  I specifically remember a chase that ended in the person getting chased turning around and smacking Levi with a Tupperware pitcher right on the top of the head.  He bled like a fountain and needed to be taken for stitches.

Piper bit Karlie Gee so many times I thought Amy (babysitter) might request Piper's jaws be wired shut at one point.

There have been bruises, cuts,  bites, stitches, and even surgeries.  Fist fights in the yard because "THAT'S MY SHIRT!", and trips to the emergency room.  None of those kids were Autistic.

Is this generation of kids so much more difficult? Or are we adults just unwilling to put up with a kid who keeps us from the TV and social media? 

My Grandson takes a different approach because of Autism than my Granddaughter but I assure you that sassy little blonde bundle of joy is ever bit as much work as he is.

Is it because we as care givers aren't willing to use the Internet to research techniques for special needs kids and apply them?  Or maybe we aren't willing to turn off the tv and all of the other chaos that might be a trigger for a child. 

The stress and chaos this puts my daughter who is 6 months pregnant under is unacceptable. 

The fact that my Grandson hasn't had that one person join the family and say "I'm not giving up on you." That's unacceptable.

I have considered quitting my job. To be that consistent person for him. But for right now it just isn't possible for many reasons.

Within a year he will start public school. While there are so many wonderful people waiting to bless him there. There are equal amounts of people - even in Special Ed who will just write him off because he isn't their kind of awesome.

Sometimes I just feel like we in general aren't willing to put in all of the effort that would become his miracle because we 'deserve' to have our phone in our hand 24/7... or because we won't turn off our TV shows that create uncomfortable noise chaos even in the best of circumstances.  And I'm saying We because I too fall into the trap sometimes. But when I look in his eyes on that moment he Really wants interaction, I realize we as a country have failed him - not that his condition is too difficult to handle.

If you are a daycare provider, I'm begging you to research conditions, and apply all of the techniques until something works.  I know you're just trying to make a little bit of extra money, but he isn't an easy dollar bill. He is an unpolished precious jewel waiting for you to polish the spots only you can.

A Moment in the Life of Autism

My Grandson

If you are a Grandparent, you know what that title means to you.  Precious wonderful piece of your daughter (or son) who brings you joy, exhaustion, love, laughter and you can send him home when he gets tired!  

Then comes the diagnosis ... Autism.  It isn't so much a surprise because you watched him miss one milestone after another. You watched other children his same age take off running and skipping and talking and playing with others his age without difficulty, while your daughter says the daycare sent home another sad note for biting or hitting.  Then there are the pictures the daycare posts  on the FB page.  There is always the cute group picture of all the kids playing, and then there's the picture of yours, alone in the picture because group play is just too difficult for him to navigate and he chooses individual play time.  God Bless them for adding a picture of him, but it is as sad as it is wonderful.  Just another reminder that your heart extended has a really really hard time.  

Oh people are full of suggestions and superior looks and think they're pretty wise when they tell you to just whip him some more.  It didn't ever really make me that mad, but it's exhausting.  If there's one thing I was never accused of is not knowing how to hold a firm line with a child.  But this isn't it.  Children who need a firm line are throwing their fits to manipulate, to get their way.  For an autistic child, or mine anyway, there is no getting his way.  It's like his whole mind and body is turning in on Him and he is fighting back as best he can - you are just caught in the crossfire.  No he isn't throwing that fit to get something.  He's fighting to regain something ... peace and calmness in his mind.  

I've resigned myself to the fact that people don't get it and for their sake I hope they never will. 

But my little super hero?  At 4 years old he can't talk yet.  He can say about a dozen words... maybe.  He loves me fiercely.  But fights me with even more passion.  Every morning I wake up and try to get my own child with challenges out the door on time (this never happens).  I meet my daughter at the daycare where she drops my granddaughter.  Because she has to get to work before he can be walked into his Special Ed classes at the Elementary school, I meet her and drop him off when the time is right.  

Transitions are hard.  This first week back to school after Christmas break is the hardest I've ever seen. When I opened the car door this morning he had taken his sippy cup and practiced how far he could spit with all the milk inside. My daughter handled it like a champ. She just grabbed a cloth and started cleaning it up while telling him he Can. Not. Do. That. Anymore.  I have 2 bite marks on my hands from trying to buckle him into his car seat.  Both of those occasions he is unable to let go.  I physically have to put my other finger in his mouth and pry it open to get him to let loose.  

From the outside, or just looking at my role in that - it is a little humorous. However, when I really sit and think what's happening in his mind and emotions to cause that kind of reaction it really grieves me.  Both times I've gotten back in the car and cried. 

This week after picking him up he screams the entire way to my daughter's school, where she has been plugging her ears the whole way and unlike the regular child, she is more than happy to get out of the car and head into school.  This also makes me sad.   I had a mom moment for my little one where I thought "I can't do this to her every morning."  Then I had another mom moment for my older girl, where I thought ...  "I can't let my daughter go through this alone.  There are plenty of days she gets back in her car and cries.  She isn't going to do it alone." 

And just about the time I am completely unsure of what to do.  I put him down just inside the elementary school and the tiny little 24lb thing runs to his teacher.  I yell "Goodbye Bubbie have a good day!"

He gasps and turns around and throws his arms open as wide as his tiny little body can get them and runs to me and hugs me very tightly.  He makes the noise I've come to recognize as his attempt to tell me he wants me to sing "our song" .... and I do.  "I love you.  A Bushel and a Peck.  A Bushel and a Peck ....  AAAAAAAAAAAND a hug around the neck!"  He giggles, crawls down and Runs back to his teacher and they disappear around the corner.  

Meanwhile, I stand there still feeling the spot where he almost drew blood 3 minutes ago and feeling how much he loves me right in the middle of it all and I pray to God for some kind of deliverance.  Complete and total if it's God's will.  But I know sometimes challenges are allowed to come our way so we can learn to walk with God a little closer because of them.  So I pray.  For exactly the level of deliverance that is God's will.  For my Grandson - My Daughter and Son-in-law - For us - for his Dad and his side of the family.  

Now that you've read this -- you know what I've gone through for about 30 minutes each morning.  There's other challenges with my youngest daughter that magnify my emotions by the time I get to this little guy. 

Some of you have said you can't imagine.  And I can't do the moments justice with words.  My daughter does this all day.  You see, sometimes children with Autism don't sleep very well and our little guy is one of those. But if you encounter my daughter who is doing this hard thing called being a Mama - if you encounter me ... or all of us during these 30 minutes of every day?!?   

Say a prayer for us.  We probably need it.