Please don't wish your babies wouldn't grow up.

Almost Daily I see some well-meaning Mommy post a picture or status begging their children to "Please Just Stay Little" or "Don't grow up okay!?" Or "Stop Growing!"  Either with words or a cute little hashtag. 

First of all - I know the generalized idea you're trying to get across. I'm not heartless and I remember those cute little baby snuggles and the intoxicating smell of newborns and toddlers. Baby smells are Still  intoxicating when your kids are adults. I'm not writing this to chastise you - hopefully when you're done reading this you feel the birth of hope and longing to see your kids do the very thing you lament against constantly.

Next let's get dramatics out of the way.  However, you Do realize there's only one way your child won't grow up right? Trust me - you Want them to grow up.

Now on to the heart of why I wanted to write to you today. That sweet little newborn you can't get enough of holding?! If it didn't grow up, you wouldn't see that first smile when you KNOW it's only for you. They are smiling because they realize You are their Mama and only You can satisfy their need for connection in so many ways.  You would never feel their chubby fingers grab your face and hair so they can pull you in for kisses that - as infants sometimes feel more like they want to eat your face!! Yet somehow they make it adorable.

You would never see them attach to that one lovey or blanket or stuffed animal. 

Watching their sense of humor emerge is priceless. 

You would never see them climb trees or build mud puddles or use those filthy fingers to bring you a bouquet of weeds.

~~~I know you see where I'm going with this but keep reading.~~

Those toddlers become children and start kindergarten. With the look in their eyes that they Really don't want to be away from you all day, to the day when they jump out of the car and rush into school you will always see their eyes light up when they see you again. I'm 46 and I hope my mom still can see it in my eyes when I come home for a visit!

If my kids wouldn't have grown up I would never have been there the first time that special boy asked my daughter to wear his football jersey on Friday. Trust me. This was a big deal.

I wouldn't have been there for Book Fairs and Field Trips and Class Parties.

I would never have seen my 4th daughter work around the house for extra money, only to find out that she took all of her allowance to school and gave it to her 2nd grade teacher whose husband had been seriously injured in a rodeo event and couldn't work for a Long time. The heart of a child will melt you.

I would never have watched them make the cheerleaders squad the first time you had to try out. She ran up to that list and squealed like the proverbial little girl when she saw her name up there. 

I would have never seen them in Homecoming or watched my daughter catch every minute of a 19 inning softball game. I would have never seen the other one end up 2nd at Nationals .... Twice!  And I would never seen them dig deep down inside when they were at bat with 2 outs - down by one - last inning of the game ... and she hit a triple and we won.

Would never have watched her overcome a learning disability and graduate. Or get a mout full of braces! 

I would never have seen my daughter in love and beaming with excitement as her Daddy walked her down the aisle. Nor would I have been blessed with the opportunity through a rough set of circumstances to hand her - her first born son and watch with my very own  eyes as she became a mom. As her heart saw him for the very first time, and she examined every inch of him like we do.  I mean - I love my Grandson, but that was My baby in that bed - My baby who had just survived an emergency c-section that was pretty touch - and - go. And that was My baby becoming a Mommy. 

Friends - you want to see it. And you want to see it exactly when it is supposed to happen. You don't want them delayed in any way.

The reason I wrote to you is this.  You don't need them to stop growing. The change needs to happen in you. You need to do whatever it takes to remember every moment. Journal- video - blog - do whatever it takes for you to remember everything. Put one of their cute little sleeper pj's in a gallon zip-loc bag so you can open it once or twice when they are rotten teenagers and be intoxicated with the smell of their infant sweetness once more and rejoice! Celebrate every achievement and failure.

Because some day your door will bust open and little ones will run in saying "HEYYYYYY Granny!!!!!" And they will smile at you like only a Granny can inspire in them and you will have a whole new life of things to cherish.

So grow up little one!! Not too fast but not too late! Let me see every success and let me scoop you up and love you through every failure!  Grow up little one, and become everything God had in mind when he ordained your existence!! 

Cherish the growth Mama - it doesn't happen twice! 

Another Daycare Can't Handle Your Awesomeness

So as my daughter posted yesterday, my grandson was removed from another daycare yesterday (effective immediately) basically due to being a normal Autistic little boy. 

So once again our family was "who can take off work? I can watch them until noon!? Okay I'll meet you at noon and take them to my house. What time do you get off?"  Dance we do when we have to pull together for someone in the family who has a need.

I picked up my grandkids and brought them home. We played outside, we fed some animals, and ran away from others .... because apparently bunny rabbits are creepy.  Jumped on the trampoline - chased each other up the swing set, and then it was time for a nap. 

I worked up a sweat getting him to sleep but honestly, his ornery little sister without autism was just as hard to get down as he was. 

As he laid there sleeping, I thought of all the reasons this babysitter couldn't continue his care. She's right, he does do all of the things she said... and he does them a lot. I almost had a moment of compassion for her until I started thinking of all the years raising my nieces and nephews with our family, raising my own kids, and stories other people have told.

His mother threw a hair brush at her little sister and one of the bristles got stuck in her eyeball - true story.  Same little sister pushed his Mama off the bed and broke her elbow. Surgery and two metal pins sticking out of her arm later, we finally healed.

His Mom, at 2, put numerous cats in a headlock and applied bright red lip stick.... they got revenge on her later. 

Shana and Bethanni engaged in several slapping fits leaving scratch marks and bruises. 

My nieces and nephews on the farm threw punches, set boobie traps, refused to play with another, and I think even tied someone up and left them there ... maybe more than once.

When they got older,  I specifically remember a chase that ended in the person getting chased turning around and smacking Levi with a Tupperware pitcher right on the top of the head.  He bled like a fountain and needed to be taken for stitches.

Piper bit Karlie Gee so many times I thought Amy (babysitter) might request Piper's jaws be wired shut at one point.

There have been bruises, cuts,  bites, stitches, and even surgeries.  Fist fights in the yard because "THAT'S MY SHIRT!", and trips to the emergency room.  None of those kids were Autistic.

Is this generation of kids so much more difficult? Or are we adults just unwilling to put up with a kid who keeps us from the TV and social media? 

My Grandson takes a different approach because of Autism than my Granddaughter but I assure you that sassy little blonde bundle of joy is ever bit as much work as he is.

Is it because we as care givers aren't willing to use the Internet to research techniques for special needs kids and apply them?  Or maybe we aren't willing to turn off the tv and all of the other chaos that might be a trigger for a child. 

The stress and chaos this puts my daughter who is 6 months pregnant under is unacceptable. 

The fact that my Grandson hasn't had that one person join the family and say "I'm not giving up on you." That's unacceptable.

I have considered quitting my job. To be that consistent person for him. But for right now it just isn't possible for many reasons.

Within a year he will start public school. While there are so many wonderful people waiting to bless him there. There are equal amounts of people - even in Special Ed who will just write him off because he isn't their kind of awesome.

Sometimes I just feel like we in general aren't willing to put in all of the effort that would become his miracle because we 'deserve' to have our phone in our hand 24/7... or because we won't turn off our TV shows that create uncomfortable noise chaos even in the best of circumstances.  And I'm saying We because I too fall into the trap sometimes. But when I look in his eyes on that moment he Really wants interaction, I realize we as a country have failed him - not that his condition is too difficult to handle.

If you are a daycare provider, I'm begging you to research conditions, and apply all of the techniques until something works.  I know you're just trying to make a little bit of extra money, but he isn't an easy dollar bill. He is an unpolished precious jewel waiting for you to polish the spots only you can.