I'm a tiny bit concerned for the start of this trip ... I am hoping it isn't set up for epic Lucille Ball moments. Right off the bat this morning I had alarms set for waking up ... 15 minutes after wake up (just in case) and an alarm for "you need to walk out the door". I woke up on first alarm (good!) - turned off the 2nd alarm and begin doing make-up and packing. I think "Man I'm doing great! My warning alarm for 'you need to leave now' hasn't even gone off!! Finally I ask my husband - "what time is it?"
He proceeds to tell me it's 15 min past my alarm that never went off! When I panic about it he says "ya it went off! I turned it off a while ago!" š³šš
Sigh ..... So we throw everything in the car and drop my munchkin off at my brother's and head for the airport. Now there have been times in the past that I wake up during a long road trip and this man is driving over 90mph! I begin to freak out on him and he would say "I thought you were asleep!!!" š. Today - we're going to turn over a new leaf and drive the speed limit all the way to the airport.
But I'm rocking my Teenage Daughter Survivor shirt and I'm ready to do this thing.
Upon getting to the airport and heading to security, it looks fairly empty!! Fantastic! I get to the screening area where we have to undress and put everything in bins and there's 2 lines ... Both the same size. I stand in one for a while until a lady starts to yell at us that there "are two lines people -- use them both!" So I step over to the out of the way line .... At this point the line I left behind begins to move at warp speed and my line grinds to a screeching halt. The gentleman in front of me with a foreign accent begins to fuss "we are not moving! Why are you not working?! You should do your job!!" Security guards begin to give him 'the eye' and I'm doing everything in my power to let them know I'm not with him. Then he turns around and begins to talk with me like we Are together ... "Why are they not moving?! They aren't doing their job!!!" Now the guards are eyeing me too. Thanks buddy. I give the guards looks like -- I don't know him ... They don't even blink.
We finally get all undressed (appropriately) and stuff ready to scan when now they are doing pat downs on each person (I'm good with this --- fuss-bucket is not). Apparently he doesn't want pat down by the guy. Lady is ready to pat me down and he is fussing ... I'm thinking to myself - really I don't even care, and in this situation neither would my husband, switch with me so that guy can pat me down and I can get away from you. But neither of the guards wanted to switch either. By this point my 'lady' is frustrated and I'm wondering if I'm going to throw out involuntary self-defense moves during her rigorous "pat-down".
Even with this commotion things went relatively fast. With all this behind me I head for my plastic bins where the guy behind me is "helping" me get my stuff out. Hmmm not sure this is a good idea mister - someone besides me might clock you for touching their stuff. Regardless, I'm happy to just yank my boots on and get out of there.
Now walking up to the gate I begin to have Lucille Ball tendencies. I approach the gate attendant and ask a question. She answers and smiles really nicely at me and as I go to smile back ... I INVOLUNTARILY WINKED AT HER?!?!?!?
What in the world? I never wink at people! How did that just happen?! And did I just make a face like Lucille Ball horrified that I had winked or is all of this just roaming through my head?! And Great - does she think I'm hitting on her?! Read my shirt lady I'm a teenage daughter survivor - I'm married -- to a man - and I have 5 children. (Stop it Heather collect your things and go sit down).
When boarding the plane the Captain is standing at the entrance and he grins and says "Boy your shirt is straight up the truth!"
I replied "Yes I know! I have Five of them!"
His face registers pure shock and he reaches out to shake my hand. I take his hand and shook it laughing and then I WINKED AT HIM?!?!?!?! What in the world is wrong with me?!? Oh. My. Goodness. This trip could seriously be humiliating! I got on the plane and sat down - put my headphones in and didn't look at another soul.
Please o please let me stop this Now.
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