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I Can Be SOOOO Quiet!
Raising children can be difficult in the best of ways. I chose total chaos on purpose, for very specific reasons. Somehow those reasons got lost when the chaos got out of control, but I know I always wanted a full supper table with lots of noise, chatter and laughter. That meant filling every seat. My oldest (of 5 girls) was the typical first born child. Rule follower - people pleaser - seeker of attention. Because of these traits, she learned to tell a good story early on. She was a “hand talker”, she would wave her little hands for all their might as she was telling a story. She was a real cutie, dark blonde Very curly hair, dark brown eyes, and a giggle that most people couldn’t resist.
I remember one particularly trying day we were driving home from “pay-day” grocery shopping with my two oldest (ages 4 & 2) and I was pregnant with my 3rd. Weary from the constant “Look Mama’s” and me yelling at my typical ornery 2nd child to stop running off, making faces at other customers, crossing her eyes when she talked to me, putting things in the cart I hadn’t budgeted for, etc., I really needed quiet on the ride home. Like…. There are not enough words to describe How Much I NEEDED quiet on the ride home. The first few minutes we had the typical bickering and talking, but then the little one fell asleep because her behavior even wore herself out sometimes!
I was encouraged, it was looking like I might get at least 15 minutes of peace if I could get my oldest to quit that blasted talking!!
Me: Shana, Mama needs you to be quiet for a while. I’m really tired and I have a headache and I’m just going to turn the radio down and be quiet while we drive home.
Her: Okay Mama! (pause of 12 seconds) Mama did you see dat swing set? It is blue and white! I know my colors Mama. Is I’m so smart right Mama?
Me: Yes hon, now remember we are going to be quiet.
Her: Okay Mama I can do dat! (pause of approx 7 seconds) GASP (with hands straight up in the air.) Mama! I don’t think we remembered to feed Katie before we left! Is she’s really hungry you think Mama right? We HAVE to FEED her when we’s get home Right Mama?!
Me: Shana, I mean it. Right now I think my ears are going to start bleeding they hurt so bad because I need it to be super quiet so I don’t cry from hurting ears okay?
Her: Okay Mama I can do dat! My teacher says I am SOO SO SO good at being quiet. (cutest chubby waving little hands) Teacher says that when we play the quiet game I am the bestest at dat game! We all sit in our chairs and we be so so so quiet dat even mouses couldn’t hear us if they came in the room. But dat doesn’t happen because we don’t have mouses in the church right Mama? DOOO WE have mouses in the church? Anyway, I will be So So quiet you will think I’m asweep. Commie (sister Carly) is asweep Mama so (now she’s whispering) yous needs to be super quiet right Mama? I think I even got a pwize for being the bestest at being quiet at church de odder day!
ANNNNNNNND we had already pulled into town and were seconds away from home. I really was on the verge of tears that day from the stress and chaos and weariness of being pregnant. Neither one of them had really obeyed anything I asked of them that day. But watching her tell me how Quiet of a kid she Could be in the rear-view mirror, watching her wave her little hands in her car seat to emphasize parts of her story I melted a little. I felt a little bit of compassion for her plight. She was a people pleaser, attention seeker, and rule follower. She usually had to talk herself through whatever was coming up to be sure she understood the task at hand. She was encouraging me that she loved me and was concerned about my “bleeding ears” and was just letting me know in her own way that because she loved me she was going to do her bestest job at what I had asked. That also meant that she Could. Not. Stop. Talking. Because she was processing her assignment.
ANNNNNNNND we had already pulled into town and were seconds away from home. I really was on the verge of tears that day from the stress and chaos and weariness of being pregnant. Neither one of them had really obeyed anything I asked of them that day. But watching her tell me how Quiet of a kid she Could be in the rear-view mirror, watching her wave her little hands in her car seat to emphasize parts of her story I melted a little. I felt a little bit of compassion for her plight. She was a people pleaser, attention seeker, and rule follower. She usually had to talk herself through whatever was coming up to be sure she understood the task at hand. She was encouraging me that she loved me and was concerned about my “bleeding ears” and was just letting me know in her own way that because she loved me she was going to do her bestest job at what I had asked. That also meant that she Could. Not. Stop. Talking. Because she was processing her assignment.
It was another way of knowing that parenthood was there to smooth the rough edges of selfishness. It was the, letting me know that while she Wasn’t obeying me, she really wasn’t disobeying, she was just getting herself talked up, and mentally process the moment so she could shine. Unfortunately, we only had 25 minutes in the car and that just wasn’t enough time.
I contemplated driving to Texas to grocery shop from that time on so that I would be sure to get SOME peace and quiet on the way home. I contemplated Benadryl … lots of it, but decided against it. - pshhhhhh don’t act like you didn’t ever consider it! I also contemplated getting a babysitter so I could grocery shop in peace, but 1) we were too financially tight for that, and 2) I really believed that if I didn’t take them with me grocery shopping every time, yes - ALL of them, they wouldn’t ever learn self-control, impulse-control, how to be told no gracefully, and how to say Thank You to the gentlemen holding the door for this very frazzled looking Mama.
I did however, have two very firm words for my oldest upon crossing the threshold at our house.
Mama, you will be exhausted. You will be ready to cry, or your body will be fighting everything you need to do to get that day done. Your children will be Who they are. I’m just encouraging you to see that sometimes when they aren’t obeying, it’s not blatant disobedience.
I contemplated driving to Texas to grocery shop from that time on so that I would be sure to get SOME peace and quiet on the way home. I contemplated Benadryl … lots of it, but decided against it. - pshhhhhh don’t act like you didn’t ever consider it! I also contemplated getting a babysitter so I could grocery shop in peace, but 1) we were too financially tight for that, and 2) I really believed that if I didn’t take them with me grocery shopping every time, yes - ALL of them, they wouldn’t ever learn self-control, impulse-control, how to be told no gracefully, and how to say Thank You to the gentlemen holding the door for this very frazzled looking Mama.
I did however, have two very firm words for my oldest upon crossing the threshold at our house.
Nap. Time!
Mama, you will be exhausted. You will be ready to cry, or your body will be fighting everything you need to do to get that day done. Your children will be Who they are. I’m just encouraging you to see that sometimes when they aren’t obeying, it’s not blatant disobedience.
